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Satire on the Heads of Houses; or, Never a Barrel the Better Herring


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Satire on the Heads of Houses;
or, Never a Barrel the Better Herring


1 O Cambridge, attend
2 To the satire I've penned
3 On the heads of thy Houses,
4 Thou seat of the Muses!
5 Know the Master of Jesus
6 Does hugely displease us;
7 The Master of Maudlin
8 In the same dirt is dawdling;
9 The Master of Sidney
10 Is of the same kidney;
11 The Master of Trinity
12 To him bears affinity;
13 As the Master of Keys
14 Is as like as two peas,
15 So the Master of Queen's
16 Is as like as two beans;
17 The Master of King's
18 Copies them in all things;
19 The Master of Catherine
20 Takes them all for his pattern;
21 The Master of Clare
22 Hits them all to a hair;
23 The Master of Christ
24 By the rest is enticed;
25 But the Master of Emmanuel
26 Follows them like a spaniel;
27 The Master of Benet
28 Is of the like tenet;
29 The Master of Pembroke
30 Has from them his system took;
31 The Master of Peter's
32 Has all the same features;
33 The Master of St John's
34 Like the rest of the dons.

35 P.S. —As to Trinity Hall
36 We say nothing at all.

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0 Satire on the Heads of Houses;
or, Never a Barrel the Better Herring

Metrical notation:  --+|--+/
Metrical foot type:  anapaestic (--+)
Metrical foot number:  dimeter (2 feet) (hypercatalectic) (catalectic)
Rhyme scheme:  aa
Rhyme (stanza position):  pair (aabb)
Syllable pattern:  6
Stanza:  couplet (2 lines)

Notation symbols: | (foot boundary), || (caesura), / (metrical line boundary), + (metrically prominent), - (metrically non-prominent)


1 O Cambridge, attend    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  attend   |   Rhyme sound:  /end/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  apostrophe (pragmatic): O...

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2 To the satire I've penned    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  penned   |   Rhyme sound:  /end/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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3 On the heads of thy Houses,    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Houses   |   Rhyme sound:  /aʊzɪz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  alliteration (phonological): heads/Houses /h/
Figure:  assonance (phonological): On/of /ɒ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): heads/Houses /h/

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4 Thou seat of the Muses!    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Muses   |   Rhyme sound:  /uːzɪz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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5 Know the Master of Jesus    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Jesus   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːzəs/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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6 Does hugely displease us;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  us   |   Rhyme sound:  /ʌs/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  alliteration (phonological): Does/displease /d/
Figure:  assonance (phonological): Does/us /ʌ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Does/displease /d/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Does/displease /z/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): displease/us /s/

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7 The Master of Maudlin    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Maudlin   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɔːdlɪn/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  alliteration (phonological): Master/Maudlin /m/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Master/Maudlin /m/

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8 In the same dirt is dawdling;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  dawdling   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɔːdlɪŋ/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  alliteration (phonological): dirt/dawdling /d/
Figure:  assonance (phonological): In/is /ɪ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): dirt/dawdling /d/

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9 The Master of Sidney    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Sidney   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɪdnɪ/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Master/Sidney /s/

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10 Is of the same kidney;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  kidney   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɪdnɪ/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): Is/kidney /ɪ/

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11 The Master of Trinity    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Trinity   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɪnɪtɪ/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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12 To him bears affinity;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  affinity   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɪnɪtɪ/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): him/affinity /ɪ/

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13 As the Master of Keys    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Keys   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): As/Keys /z/

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14 Is as like as two peas,    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  peas   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): as/as /æ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Is/as/as/peas /z/
Figure:  simile (semantic): as...
Figure:  simile (semantic): like...

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15 So the Master of Queen's    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Queen's   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːnz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): So/Master /s/

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16 Is as like as two beans;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  beans   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːnz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): as/as /æ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Is/as/as /z/
Figure:  simile (semantic): like...

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17 The Master of King's    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  King's   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɪŋz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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18 Copies them in all things;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  things   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɪŋz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): in/things /ɪ/

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19 The Master of Catherine    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Catherine   |   Rhyme sound:  /aθrɪn/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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20 Takes them all for his pattern;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  pattern   |   Rhyme sound:  /ætn/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): all/for /ɔː/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Takes/pattern /t/

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21 The Master of Clare    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Clare   |   Rhyme sound:  /eə/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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22 Hits them all to a hair;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  hair   |   Rhyme sound:  /eə/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  alliteration (phonological): Hits/hair /h/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Hits/hair /h/

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23 The Master of Christ    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Christ   |   Rhyme sound:  /aɪst/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Master/Christ /s/

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24 By the rest is enticed;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  enticed   |   Rhyme sound:  /aɪst/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): By/enticed /aɪ/
Figure:  assonance (phonological): is/enticed /ɪ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): rest/enticed /s/

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25 But the Master of Emmanuel    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Emmanuel   |   Rhyme sound:  /anjuːəl/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Master/Emmanuel /m/

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26 Follows them like a spaniel;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  spaniel   |   Rhyme sound:  /ænjəl/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Follows/like /l/
Figure:  simile (semantic): like...

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27 The Master of Benet    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Benet   |   Rhyme sound:  /et/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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28 Is of the like tenet;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  tenet   |   Rhyme sound:  /enɪt/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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29 The Master of Pembroke    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Pembroke   |   Rhyme sound:  /əʊk/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Master/Pembroke /m/

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30 Has from them his system took;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  took   |   Rhyme sound:  /ʊk/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): his/system /ɪ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Has/his /h/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Has/his /z/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): from/them /m/

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31 The Master of Peter's    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Peter's   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːtəz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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32 Has all the same features;    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  features   |   Rhyme sound:  /iːtʃəz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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33 The Master of St John's    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  John's   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɒnz/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): of/John's /ɒ/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): Master/St /s/
Figure:  consonance (phonological): St/John's /n/

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34 Like the rest of the dons.    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  dons   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɒns/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6
Figure:  assonance (phonological): of/dons /ɒ/
Figure:  simile (semantic): Like...

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35 P.S. —As to Trinity Hall    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  Hall   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɔːl/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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36 We say nothing at all.    
Rhyme:  aa   |   Rhyme word(s):  all   |   Rhyme sound:  /ɔːl/   |   Rhyme (line position):  end
Metre:  --+|--+/   |   Syllables:  6

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Expanding the poem lines (+) shows notes and queries taken from various critical editions of Gray's works, as well as those contributed by users of the Archive. There are 1 textual and 0 explanatory notes/queries.

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0 Satire on the Heads of Houses;
or, Never a Barrel the Better Herring 1 Textual

Title/Paratext] "These lines were first printed [...]" J. Bradshaw, 1891.

"These lines were first printed in Mr. Gosse's edition of Gray's "Works" from a MS. then in the possession of Lord Houghton.
    I have taken them from the Mitford MSS. in the British Museum."

The Poetical Works of Thomas Gray: English and Latin. Edited with an introduction, life, notes and a bibliography by John Bradshaw. The Aldine edition of the British poets series. London: George Bell and sons, 1891, 267.

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1 O Cambridge, attend
2 To the satire I've penned
3 On the heads of thy Houses,
4 Thou seat of the Muses!
5 Know the Master of Jesus
6 Does hugely displease us;
7 The Master of Maudlin
8 In the same dirt is dawdling;
9 The Master of Sidney
10 Is of the same kidney;
11 The Master of Trinity
12 To him bears affinity;
13 As the Master of Keys
14 Is as like as two peas,
15 So the Master of Queen's
16 Is as like as two beans;
17 The Master of King's
18 Copies them in all things;
19 The Master of Catherine
20 Takes them all for his pattern;
21 The Master of Clare
22 Hits them all to a hair;
23 The Master of Christ
24 By the rest is enticed;
25 But the Master of Emmanuel
26 Follows them like a spaniel;
27 The Master of Benet
28 Is of the like tenet;
29 The Master of Pembroke
30 Has from them his system took;
31 The Master of Peter's
32 Has all the same features;
33 The Master of St John's
34 Like the rest of the dons.

35 P.S. —As to Trinity Hall
36 We say nothing at all.

Works cited

  • The Poetical Works of Thomas Gray: English and Latin. Edited with an introduction, life, notes and a bibliography by John Bradshaw. The Aldine edition of the British poets series. London: George Bell and sons, 1891.

Spelling has been modernized throughout, except in case of conscious archaisms. Contractions, italics and initial capitalization have been largely eliminated, except where of real import. Obvious errors have been silently corrected, punctuation has been supplied. The editor would like to express his gratitude to the library staff of the Göttingen State and University Library (SUB Göttingen) for their invaluable assistance.

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